Publication date August 25, 2023
A New Mom's Guide To Unsolicited Advice And How To Deal With It
We received an email from one of our readers saying that they are a new mom and they have been getting unsolicited advice on how to be a great parent, how to do baby chores, and more. It frustrated them to the point that they had a breakdown and they didn't know what to do. We think this article might help you if you are in the same situation as them. Read further.
Source: Greenville Online
Congratulations on becoming a new mom. Your home is filled with new found happiness and you are soaking in the joy of motherhood, but with that comes the burden of bearing all the unsolicited advice from your family, friends or sometimes even random strangers.
It can feel like getting nagged over little things and being overwhelmed by the number of advice one receives. Being a new mom is a great feeling, but nobody wants to be at the receiving end of getting nagged over any advice over and over again. New moms get all kinds of comments and advice post delivery and all of those may be coming from a good place but it still cannot be justified whether she needs it.
Unsolicited advice can feel tough and unforeseen, but we still have to deal with it. Here’s a guide on how to deal with it.
Appreciate the Intent
The intent behind the advice one gets is usually coming from some experience and good will. Even if the advice can seem like unwanted and unsolicited advice, it’s best if you just take the intent behind the advice by appreciating it rather than feeling the need to take it personal.
Pregnancy hormones can make you feel on the edge, making it easy to snap back at people who give you friendly advice. Instead of responding to the unsolicited advice harshly, think of responding to them in a polite way. Say, “thank you for this advice”, “I'm grateful for all of your advice”, “I will consider your advice, thanks a lot.” These phrases can actually calm down the storm without hurting anyone. And the best part is you don't have to commit.
Source: theAsianParents Phillipines
Redirect the conversation
Sometimes unsolicited advice can be less discerning. During those times it’s best to redirect the conversation to something else without engaging in it. Again, resort with polite means. Especially, certain advice can feel uncomfortable. Maybe it’s only been 3 months since you have had a baby and now they are advising you to plan another one? It's uncomfortable and unwanted, and you might want to avoid this conversation at all costs. Try telling them that you are uncomfortable about the same by hinting at it while talking.
Boundaries are a must in any relationship. Even if that means you have to set those boundaries with your mom or even a random stranger. You might want to make it clear to them that you don't want to hear anymore advice if it's costing you your mental health. You could say, “I'm really sorry I can't keep up with this conversation, it's costing me my mental health” or “I’m sorry this is hurting me, so I don't want to participate in this conversation”.
Source: Woman's Day
Disengage from the conversations
Some conversations can turn nasty and be downright hurtful and offensive. The best thing to do about this is to take a step back and let them know that you are not interested in getting involved in their conversations. Thank them for their concern but take your responsibility in your own hands and don't blame them for anything.
Choose your battles wisely
Not all advice is good, and some advice might even be irrelevant. Time is always moving forward and it’s only wiser to be selective about what battles you want to take on. Never take advice from anyone who is not experienced in the same.
In the journey of motherhood, unsolicited advice can be both a blessing and a challenge. Throughout this exploration of unsolicited advice for new moms, it's evident that these advices can come off as a mixed bag. While some advice can come off as pearls of wisdom that might genuinely resonate and assist in navigating the uncharted waters of parenthood, others can cause confusion, self-doubt, and unnecessary stress. Confidently asserting your wishes and boundaries can help you deal with it gracefully.