Told my wife that my mother will never love her like a daughter

I've been married to my wife for two years, and when it comes to my mother, the best way to describe her is as distant or aloof. It's not that she's impolite, but she seems uninterested in forming a connection with my wife.

My mother's demeanor can be attributed to the challenges she's faced throughout her life. She's had a tough journey and seems to have little emotional energy left to invest in building relationships. Her reserved nature and lack of enthusiasm extend to most people, and she prefers a quiet, solitary existence. I've talked to my wife about my mother's background and personality in an effort to provide some context.

Recently, we had a small gathering at my mom's house. My mother has a unique tradition of preparing all the food herself and prefers guests not to bring additional dishes. However, when my wife arrived after work with potato salad, I intervened and prevented her from bringing it inside. Throughout the evening, my wife seemed insistent on engaging my mom, despite my mother's desire for solitude. Even when my mom indicated that she needed some quiet time, my wife continued to engage her. At one point, my mother requested that I take my wife away from her, likely because she was nearing her limit.

Later, during a car ride, my wife and I had a conversation about the evening. She expressed a desire to be liked by my mother and was confused about why my mother seemed to have a negative view of her. She explained that she was being courteous and couldn't understand why her efforts weren't being reciprocated. In response, I told her that my mother is unlikely to ever form a deep connection with her, and that by pushing for it, she's actually creating tension. I advised her to give my mother space and not to pursue a closeness that my mother may not be capable of. Unfortunately, this straightforward advice led to my wife calling me a jerk, and we haven't spoken since.

In summary, my mother's distant nature has led to misunderstandings between her and my wife. Despite my wife's intentions to be friendly and win my mother's affection, I had to be honest with her about the unlikelihood of that happening. This conversation resulted in my wife becoming upset and temporarily cutting off communication with me.