How the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard case shows us that abuse really has no gender

Source: Deadline

Since then, Heard and Depp's widely publicized divorce has sparked debate among fans and domestic abuse experts alike.

We've seen conversations on the effects of cancel culture, what constitutes abuse, and the difficulty domestic violence victims — both men and women — experience in persuading others to believe them as a result of the Heard/Depp fiasco.

But the argument over who in the relationship was the victim is at the heart of all of these debates.

The problem with the Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard debate is that we've bought into the illusion that there is such a thing as a perfect victim.

This isn't a post on why Amber Heard was the spark for abuse in her relationship with Depp, nor will it take a position on who is right or wrong in the current defamation dispute between the two.

Heard penned an op-ed for The Washington Post in 2018 on her own experience with domestic violence before commenting on patriarchal beliefs and how many institutions support men accused of abuse.

That essay is now at the heart of Depp's $50 million defamation case against his ex-wife, and despite the fact that Heard never named Depp by name in the article, it was assumed that she was referring to the actor.

Depp's complaint against Heard is based on her article's "malicious intent" and how it caused irreparable harm to his career, as well as his claim that he never hit his ex-wife.

While Heard is suing Depp for defamation, claiming that the statements he made had a negative impact on her career, and sticking firmly in her claims that Depp abused her. 

The entire trial has been a back-and-forth between the two, with their lawyers presenting witnesses, audio recordings, texts, and recollections of events while on the stand — all in an attempt to become the "ideal victim."

Heard had pages upon pages of documentation describing the harm she had received from her spouse when she first accused Depp of assault. There were audio recordings of Heard and Depp's interactions that backed up her assertions.

During the trial, new evidence emerged that revealed Heard was the one who hit Depp on a regular basis and had been emotionally and verbally abusive to him at various times during their marriage.

The Depp and Heard case has only sparked a deeper investigation into the myths of the "ideal victim" and the "typical abuser," according to observers.

The "ideal" or "perfect" victim story is a common occurrence that is frequently utilized in the media. Whether a victim of domestic violence, sexual assault, or murder, the concept is that the victim was gentle, caring, and sweet.

Because something awful happened to someone good, the expression "they wouldn't hurt a fly" is repeated over and over.

Johnny Depp could never be that "someone good." He doesn't meet the stereotype of the "ideal victim." He had an opiate addiction, he's a male, and his physical height is much larger than Heard's, and so on. These are the arguments that unwittingly cast Depp in the character of an abuser.

The "ideal victim" cliché doesn't reflect the nuances of human beings and what motivates conduct in romantic relationships.

Source: Hindusthan Times

The media adores the idea of a perfect victim narrative because the tattooed, Hollywood bad boy caricature is the ideal perpetrator.

It doesn't fit that narrative that a successful, gorgeous masculine symbol might be the victim of emotional and physical abuse.

Heard, on the other hand, hasn't exactly exemplified the ideal housewife. She's been portrayed as a badass sex icon throughout her career. She has been emotionless and stone-faced in court.

She does not appear to be someone who would stay with an abuser or endure violence against her, according to those who misunderstand how abuse occurs.

People are concerned with finding the "ideal victim," yet there is no such thing as a perfect person. Humans are messy, and they do bad things from time to time, but that doesn't mean they deserve to be labeled as criminals simply because they don't match any sort of stereotype.

Under-recognized survivor groups are harmed by the "ideal victim" stereotype.

This stigma around the idea that Depp could not have been a victim of abuse is simply one more thing that stops male abuse survivors from coming forward with their stories because they worry no one will believe them.

We don't have to shun or dismiss Depp or Heard just because we believe in survivors. It simply means that we must make enough room for them both, allowing us to listen to them, analyse them, and recognise that while they are both messy, they do not deserve to suffer.

Abuse cases do not usually fall into a neat, binary classification. There are occasions when there isn't just one victim and one abuser, but rather situations when the two can be interchanged.

There are two sides to every tale, and there are likely occasions and periods in Depp and Heard's difficult marriage about which we will never know the truth.

But one thing will always be true: these issues are highly complex, but that doesn't change the fact that we need to stop dissecting the concept of a "perfect victim" since one does not exist.