Publication date September 6, 2023
How to Be the Best Mother You Can Possibly Be
Whether you are a new, first-time mother or a seasoned veteran, most mothers have their doubts and insecurities. Questions like, “Am I doing it right?” or “Am I giving my child enough love?” frequently go through all mother’s minds.
After all, no one took a class on “How to Be a Good Mother.” All we have to go on is how we were raised and what our mothers did. Sometimes that’s good if you had a good mother yourself. But if you didn’t, then you might be wondering if you’re doing anything right.
Don’t worry, that feeling is completely normal for all mothers. Even when you try your best, there is no such thing as the “perfect” mother. But there are some things you can do to be the best mom you can possibly be.
9 Tips to Be a Great Mother
Of course, you’re doing your best – all mothers are. But if you use these 9 tips, you will be the best version of yourself, and your kids will thank you for it later.
Reflect on Your Own Parents and Childhood
Some people were lucky enough to have great parents, but others not so much. But either way, it’s important to look back and what your own parents did right – and wrong. What was your favorite part of their parenting style? What was your least favorite?
Also, think about how effective their parenting styles were. Are you emulating what they did without knowing it? Or are you consciously making different choices? Either way, it’s important to be very mindful and intentional when you parent your children.
Talk to Your Children
Children aren’t always the best conversationalists, so sometimes this can be challenging for mothers. For example, if your child comes home from preschool and you ask how their day was and all they say is “fine,” then you’re going to have to learn to ask probing questions. Ask things like, “Who did you play with today?” or “What did you learn?” This will not only get the conversation going, but it will also get them used to talking to you.
Even if your kids are older, you can use the same strategy. Try to make a habit of having family dinners where you all share what happened to you every day. It’s important to stay connected and know what’s going on in your children’s lives, regardless of how old they are. Research even backs this up.
Be a Good Role Model
The old adage, “Do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t really help children. For example, if you smoke but you tell your child not to, the chances are very high that they will model your behavior and ignore your words.
So as difficult as it might be, you have to be a good role model for your children. They will do everything you do – for better or for worse. Social Learning Theory, developed by Albert Bandura, has proven this to be true.
Show Love Through Words and Actions
It’s important for children to know that they are loved. Even if you didn’t grow up in the most loving family, you should still show your child that you love them.
Saying “I love you” is important, but you should also show them love as well. Give them hugs and kisses. Snuggle with them on the couch and read them a book. Be present and pay attention to them when they talk to you, even if you think what they are saying is boring. All these actions are loving and show that they are important to you.
Children need stability and they want to know what to expect. So, if you are inconsistent with them, they will grow to feel insecure because they don’t know what to expect from you. They won’t have a stable, predictable world if you keep changing your mind.
For example, if you have a toddler who throws a lot of temper tantrums, it might be so tempting to give in to them and just give them what they want. But if you do give in sometimes but not others, it will confuse them. Then, they won’t grow up to respect you because they know they can manipulate you and you don’t always mean what you say.
Don’t Show Favorites
Of course, a mother loves all their children equally. But that doesn’t mean that they’re all easy to raise. Maybe one child is respectful and follows all the rules. While maybe another one is stubborn and challenges you a lot.
It might be tempting to treat the two of them differently, but that might seem like you are showing favoritism. Your children all have to know that they are loved equally. If one child feels like the “unloved” one or not your favorite, then it will affect their self-esteem.
Be Positive With Your Words
All kids do stupid things – or at least things they shouldn’t do. And it can be very infuriating for mothers at times. And you might think things like, “Stop being an idiot!” or “What is wrong with you?” But stop your words before they come out of your mouth.
For example, let’s say they are getting bad grades in school. Instead of grounding them until they shape up, sit down and have a conversation and tell them that you believe in them and that they are capable of getting good grades.
Watch What You Say to Them
When babies are born, their brains are like a blank computer. Everything that is said to them, and every experience is written into their brains, and it becomes their reality.
So, watch everything you say to them. Your voice becomes their own internal voice someday. For example, if you frequently call them lazy, stupid, or an underachiever, then they will think that is who they are. It will lead to low self-esteem both in childhood and adulthood.
Source: Wales Online
Keep Your Word
Trust is so important in relationships. In fact, it is the foundation of every healthy relationship. Without it, then a relationship can turn unhealthy and even toxic. So, it’s your job to make sure that your children can trust other people – and it all starts with getting them to trust you.
So, if you say you’re going to do something, then do it. If you don’t know if you can do it, then don’t say it. You have to follow through with your words or else they won’t trust you. And as adults, they won’t trust anyone else either.
If you’re a mother, then you know how challenging it can be. No mother thinks they are perfect, and no one is. But don’t get down on yourself if you think you’re making mistakes. Just remember these tips at every moment, and you will be able to be proud of how you raised your kids once they get to be adults.