Mom Guilt Eating You Up? You are not alone in this journey.

Source: BetterUp

Initially, I thought I would get over these feelings of guilt and shame after my babies grow up, but these feelings never went away. Talking to my friends made me realize that mom guilt is one thing that doesn’t really seem to go away even when your kids go to high school and are responsible for themselves. Of course, I don't feel as guilty as I used to when my babies were only months old. Occasionally I can’t help it, but feel the pressure of not spending enough time with them as they are getting older. 

I know I am not alone, and knowing that was quite a relief. No matter what privilege one has, or how many resources one has access to, all mothers feel some kind of mom guilt while embracing motherhood. For the longest time, I hovered between parental anxiety and mom guilt, it was as if I had to manage both if I were to live a normal life. 

Source: Happiest Baby

“What is mom guilt?

Is mom guilt real?

How to overcome mom guilt?”

I remember searching this on Google desperately a few years back. While I found some great tips on how to let go of mom guilt and embrace motherhood wholly, I just could not find what I was looking for - assurance that I'm not alone. 

Whether you are a new mom or mother of married young lads, know that you are not alone!  Share your feelings and journey with super mamas and make your life easier. 

In my own experience, mom guilt was me getting all worked up, sweating over little things, and over-thinking about how I did not let my son go play with his neighbor friend for not eating his lunch and grounding my daughter for going to slumber party even though it was an all-girls party. 

My realization about mom guilt hit me when I just could not control the overwhelming feelings of sadness that turned to rage. I was angry about not being able to find time for myself, have that work-life balance, manage home chores and spend time with family and the list goes on. I traced back my feelings and realized that all of it boiled down to not feeling like a good mom. I felt inadequate in terms of parenting, and that showed up pretty much everywhere. 
 

Source: Mommy Nearest

Truth be told, none of the tips helped me as much as lowering my expectations and accepting my overwhelming feelings did. That was the beginning of my journey to overcome the feelings of my mom's guilt. I may not have succeeded wholly, but sharing my journey of motherhood with fellow mamas, becoming a conscious parent and making deliberate choices, willingness to adapt, have all helped me to become who I am today. 

What helped me reduce the feelings of mom guilt?  

“One day at a time” attitude

When you are already bogged down by responsibilities on your plate and your child demands for another snack and throws tantrums about the same it is easier to scold them right away rather than maybe taking a second or two to react more mindfully. I had to change this attitude for the better as no amount of impatience or irritability is going to change anything. Everytime something triggers me now I remind myself “One thing at a time, one day at a time”, and it prevents me from feeling that mom's guilt. 

I scheduled things according to my priorities 

Whether I chose to be a working mom or stay-at-home mom, I am responsible for how I spend my day. Sometimes, some things are out of our control, like a sudden work meeting popping up. But, scheduling my time and following through with it always works in my favor. For instance, I might have had an extended work meeting that is out of my control but I can very much skip the shopping hour for the next hour to spend time with my child. 

Source: Happy Family Organics

I created a support system

Being a full time mom really doesn't help one to be a good mom and that's my bottom line advice. To be a good mom I try to take deliberate breaks and switch on my single-diva persona and go meet my ladies who go through similar stuff like this, it helps us shed the burden and come back home as a better person and a better mom at that. 

I reframed my beliefs 

For each negative thought I get, I reframe it with a positive one. “I feel like a bad mother because I could not attend my son’s preschool graduation ceremony.” to “I feel bad that I could not attend my son’s preschool graduation ceremony due to an emergency but I forgive myself for it and will try to attend one of the next ceremonies' '. Changing the way I talk to myself from self-critical to self-compassionate helped me reframe my negative beliefs and thoughts.