Second chances in relationships: 9 Essential Points to Consider

Why should I give you another chance? This is a question you might ask your ex who is pleading for a second chance a week after you two broke up. But giving second chances in a relationship can get tricky as you may feel used, betrayed, and disappointed in yourself. Are you setting yourself up for disappointment, or should you plunge? Are things going to get better or is it just another disaster waiting to happen? 

Many times, giving second chances in relationships can be a good idea for you and your ex as well because sometimes it’s not the people who are bad for you but the situations might not have been favorable. It could be a case of the right person, wrong time, so to speak. According to Dr. John Gottman, 50% of couples who give each other a second chance after a significant break-up successfully rebuild their relationship.

Your partner perhaps acted out of anger or rage, or they were not able to express themselves in the right way. So if you two genuinely feel that together you can make things work in the long run, giving a second chance in a relationship might be a good idea. 

Of course, there are a few things you’ll need to consider before you do that. So you don’t end up diving straight into the same condition all over again. Here are a few important things to consider that will help you decide whether to open your heart's door or walk away for good.

1. Is he really Forgivable? 

Honestly, no rule says you must forgive someone who did wrong with you. But if you really want to get into a second-chance relationship, you must be willing to let go of the past and the hurt you may be feeling because of your partner’s actions. Forgiving someone is an important step before you give your partner a second chance in the relationship. Forgiveness is also linked with many physical and mental health benefits, and it will also give you a chance to remove toxic energies in your body. 

And remember you don’t need to get back with your ex who’s hurt you in the past, especially if you know you’ve not yet been able to let go of the pain they caused you. Because if you still decide to stay with them, you’ll only be reminded of the negative experiences whenever you see them, and this will cause distance between you and your ex. 

And if feel you like you’re able to let go of pain caused in the past, forgive them, and let go of the negative feelings and hatred you’ve been concealing. This then will work as the foundation for rebuilding a caring and loving relationship free of resentment and unresolved feelings.

2. Do they deserve a second chance?

It’s necessary to define if the person you’re reconsidering is even worth it before you attempt to give a second chance to them. Seriously, not everyone is worth the headache. The first thing you can do to identify if they deserve a second chance is to evaluate what they did when they found that they hurt you. 

Did they take responsibility for their bad actions or are they trying to rationalize things and make flimsy excuses for themselves? Has your ex tried to make up for their wrongs, or is he still doing those things that hurt you in the first place? If you believe they take responsibility and are ready to make changes, have at it. 

3. Do you really want this?

We know it’s easy to get lost in memories of what you shared. But, one of the first questions that you should ask yourself as you decide to give a second chance in a relationship is, “Is this really what you want?”  Be clear about it because it's possible to tow a line that someone else wants for you while believing that it is the best decision for yourself as well.  Therefore, take some time to introspect and ask yourself deep-seated questions. 

Don’t get back together with your ex just because you think it is moral or people have seen you together for a long time and expect a certain behavior from you. If your heart isn’t at peace and not ready for it, don’t move forward. 

4. Observe your partner’s actions

It’s one of the most important things to consider when deciding about a second-chance relationship. Check their actions to find out whether you should give your ex another chance. Your ex may now talk nicely to convince you that they will not hurt you again, but they can be meaningless at times. 

I mean why should you trust your partner if they say they’ll be a different person, but there are no actions to back up their claims? If they’ve proven their worth to you, giving them another chance is fine. 

5. Are you both committed to making things work?

People give their ex a second chance hoping that whatever happened in the past will not happen again. Unfortunately, old patterns and behaviors often don’t simply disappear. You two must actively work to change the dynamic. If you and your partner are committed to making things work in your relationship and the idea of relationship counseling doesn’t make your partner want to throw up, you should definitely give it another chance.

6. Is it a toxic relationship? Stay Away!

It’s hard to believe but toxic relationships will always remain toxic.  Your toxic partner may paint you a rosy picture of the future tell you everything you want to hear, and surprise you with expensive gifs, it’s not always that simple. In such situations, it’s always best to leave a relationship that is causing harm to your mental or physical health in any way.

7. Will things work out? 

Before you give a second chance to your partner, make sure that the source of your problems can be effectively addressed. For instance, if the physical distance was the reason for your breakup, make a plan that allows you to consistently see each other or remove the distance if possible, one of you can move closer to the other. SImilary, if recurring dights were the main problem in your relationship, make sure you have a game plan to prevent a recurrence. 

8. Is there respect in your relationship?

Another important thing to consider when deciding to give a second chance to your partner is to find out if the respect level you have for yourself has increased or dropped. If you feel that it has increased; you might be ready for second chances. However, it’s best to run if it drops. Mutual respect is undoubtedly one of those things that must surround and support a love story for it to survive. 

9. Be patient 

When it comes to second chances relationships, always keep in mind that rebuilding trust after it has been broken isn’t a walk in the park. You must be patient and willing to give the relationship the space and time it needs to thrive. It takes time to make sure that you and your partner are not repeating previous mistakes. Also, it takes time to make lasting changes in habits and behavior. So, are you willing to put in the needed work in your relationship?

At the last, giving your partner a second chance in your relationship is a difficult decision that must be carefully considered. Evaluating the situation, assessing the person’s willingness to change, and making clear expectations and boundaries are all important steps in re-establishing trust and making the relationship work.

Frequently Asked Questions 

Q. Should I give him another chance?

Whether you should give him another chance or not is your alone decision. Take your time, assess your partner's willingness to change, and consider all other important factors carefully before you give him another chance. Don’t rush into anything you're not comfortable with, and prioritize your well-being and happiness.

Q. How many chances should you give someone? 

It’s hard to tell how many chances you should give someone as it entirely depends on your situation. Giving a second chance is enough as they have a chance to prove themselves and earn your trust back. But, if you’re giving someone a third or more chance, it means they’re breaking your boundaries because they know they can get away with it and you’ll ultimately forgive them. 

Q. Is it okay to give your boyfriend a second chance?

Yes, it is okay to give your boyfriend a second chance because all of us are humans who can make mistakes despite our best intentions. And if your boyfriend chooses to work on themselves and with you to improve your relationship, then a second chance can be a blessing. 

Q. Why are second chances important?

Why you should give second chances focuses on the idea that personality isn’t set in stone so people can change. People can learn from their mistakes and when you give them a second chance, you allow them to prove this.