The Phenomenon of Men Divorcing for Younger Women: A Closer Look Inspired by "The First Wives Club"

Source: Coover Law Firm

As the new couple starts a new life, someone's whole world is shattered behind, and nobody even hears it. It may seem interesting to watch two people dance around excitedly in public, go on vacations, and even plan for their second marriage. Or tattooing your partner's name on the arm, flying thousands of miles to be with each other, going on yet another “honeymoon” or living in wedded bliss, making and adopting babies together, and endorsing brands for millions of dollars. 

But what we often ignore is that there is an older woman he left behind, discarded like old, used clothes. The woman he promised to love and look after this life and beyond, the maker of his home, the mother of his kids.

The numbers paint a clear picture according to Forbes, in the US alone, the divorce rate for couples married over 10 years soars by 25% when the husband seeks a younger partner. This trend, immortalized in the inspiring film 'The First Wives Club,' leaves behind a trail of shattered lives. But who truly hears the whispers of the women left behind, the discarded "old clothes" of yesterday's promises?

This is the reality behind the phenomenon of men seeking younger partners, a complex narrative we'll unpack through the lens of 'The First Wives Club'. So let's talk about why are men leaving their families for younger partners and its impact on families. 

What is “The First Wives Club” about?

The First Wives Club is a 1996 comedy film directed by High Wilson. The film is based on the 1992 novel of the same name by Olivia Goldsmith. The film talks about three divorcees Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, and Diane Keaton who seek retribution on their ex-husbands for having left them for younger women. When I heard about this movie, I just didn’t expect too much as I wasn’t sure that it would be my kind of thing. But, after watching this film, I must admit that I really enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. Well, I’m just not here to promote it but that’s what it is. 

Source: Stan

The story is simple and focuses on 3 old college friends who end up re-united due to the death of their old college friend Cynthia. While the 

conditions surrounding their reunion are unfortunate, the 3 women use this opportunity to catch up. Although they have lived rather different lives since they left college, they find that they all have one thing in common, their husband have left them or cheated on them for younger women. Because the 3 protagonists feel resentful about the way they've been treated by their husbands, they decide to set up the “First Wives Club” and take revenge on their cheating husbands;

Even if you may feel like the film is rather slow to get moving, there are still good chances that it’d be an enjoyable as well as inspirational movie for you. I really don’t want to spoil it, so I’m not telling you anything in depth.  Instead, It’d be best to address the important messages that this movie gives, such as the film celebrates the strength and resilience of women, particularly those navigating divorce and its aftermath. The protagonists' journey of rediscovering themselves, pursuing careers and passions, and building a strong support network empowers women to take control of their lives and find fulfillment beyond societal expectations 

The movie portrays the protagonists' defiance of societal expectations surrounding aging, beauty standards, and dependence on men, inspiring audiences to challenge similar limitations in their own lives. As the plot summary suggests the movie is geared more towards women and If I’m being honest I think that yes more women will enjoy this than men, so you should definitely give it a try!

Why are men divorcing for younger women?

Imagine you have committed the last twenty years to taking care of your family and you are looking forward to finally spending some time with your husband. Then all of sudden, out of nowhere everything just changes, he leaves you for a much younger woman. How unfair! 

In the blockbuster film, The First Wives Club, as mentioned earlier the wives, played by Goldie Hawn, Bette Midler, and Diane Keaton, seek revenge. One by one they beat and then financially and emotionally “cripple” their cheating ex-husbands. Ivana Trump, who also appears as herself in the movie, sums up many women’s auctions with her phrase, “Don’t get mad, get everything”.

And she certainly did in real life, Ivana sued her immensely wealthy husband, Donald, for a fortune. Most of us don’t have husbands who are just not so rich. But, of course, men are not the only ones who leave, evidence suggests, however, that fewer women than men run off with someone many years younger. And then it does seem unfair when a husband divorces his loyal wife for a younger model. 

At the moment, the man forgets how his wife has usually put her needs last, after those of the children and her husband. In fact, she has most likely stalled her career in favor of his, and her money-earning capacity, as a consequence, becomes less. 

She is also most likely to approaching middle age it is not already there, that means she begins to lose her youthful looks. If she’s been spending most of her time helping at the school tuckshop and mixing with children, instead of working on herself, her confidence levels, in terms of the wider world, are likely to be fairly low as well. At one of the most vulnerable times in her life, she is now left to cope alone, both financially and emotionally.

So now the big question is how could the person who vowed to love her through good times and bad, until death do them part, treat her so poorly? How could he leave for a younger woman?

If I give a quick answer, maybe it would be because he has panicked. One day he just looked in the mirror and noticed one grey hair too many or he found himself panting while climbing a set of stairs, or his father died. Or maybe his business went broke and he lost a lot of money. Then he suddenly realized he was weak and mortal and, instead of facing his mortality and feelings of failure and coming to terms with it all, he got frightened and tried to escape. 

He ran, hoping for a fresh start until he ran into the arms of the first young female that looked his way. This is how it all usually happens, the reasons can be different but ultimately it’s some kind of anxiety or sadness that makes men divorce their wives for younger women, and they divorce despite thinking about the impact of it on their wives and family. 

What should I do when he left me for a younger woman?

I understand that you’re facing so many difficulties in your life, financially as well as emotionally, but I want to assure you are not alone who is dealing with such a condition.  In such conditions when your husband leaves you for younger women, it's best to not envy him in his new life. You may be like what? He ruined my life and you’re suggesting me to do nothing about it?

Because he’s not going to enjoy it for too long. His new partner will most probably want to get married and have children. Your ex may enjoy some of the interaction with his second family, he is going to get tired, very tired soon. It will be years before he can retire, by that time the retirement age will be around seventy. His new young wife will give him a hard time if he has affection for you. Even though such affection may be tainted with guilt, it is likely to increase proportionally to the increase in challenges he faces in his new life, especially if you have been emotionally tolerant and understanding during the breakup.

He may have left you because of the typical mid-life crises he had. Sadly, he has let his impulsive decision dictate his actions. He will probably live his whole life in regret. 

So is the “do nothing” approach appropriate? I’m saying to blindly follow this approach but what I’m saying is revenge never satisfies in the longer term. Sooner or later you have to let go of him and get on with your life. So leave him to reap what he has sown. In the meantime, prioritize your well-being, and make the most of the opportunity he has given you. Don’t forget that you can still grow, you can learn, you can create and you can have fun.

What is the male perspective on divorce?

We rarely see men talking about their perspective on divorce, but it’s very important to know the whole reason and what they think when they divorce their wives. It’s completely unfair to leave your wife all sudden without telling the appropriate reason. 

After reading several other posts, I found one common reason is that men in their 50s could be susceptible to going through a midlife crisis and at this time they look for someone at their side who can make them relax and have fun in life. Hence they look for younger women as partners because they believe that being in a relationship with a significantly younger woman brings them a sense of satisfaction that they still have their charm, which also is a big boost for them. They find the adoration of younger women mentally refreshing which helps them start a new fresh life. 

Mostly men who get into a relationship with younger women have either been through a tough divorce or had a bitter fallout with their significant other. Thus, they are attracted to younger women and date them to feel a kind of rebound to get over that bitter experience.

Finally, I’d just add that there is no right or wrong about divorce or leaving for someone, but it’s always best to carefully consider the potential consequences, and the impact on everyone involved because a thoughtful reflection can help make the best decision just for you but for you family. 

Are there any other thoughts, you would love to add? Common down below! 

Frequently Asked Questions 

Q. What is First Wives Club based on?

The First Wives Club is a 1996 comedy film directed by Hugh Wilson, based on the 1992 novel of the same name by Olivia Goldsmith. The film is based on the story where three divorcées seek retribution on their ex-husbands for having left them for younger women.

Q. Is First Wives Club Based on a true story?

Years after the movie was released, Goldsmith revealed that the part of her famous novel is based on reality. But, the wives getting revenge on their ex-husband were made up for the book and movie.

Q. Who wrote the book First Wives Club?

The late Olivia Goldsmith (1949-2004) wrote the book First Wives Club. Aside from this she also authored other thirteen novels, including Wish Upon a Star, Marrying Mom, and Flavor of the Month. As per the sources, there are more than 10 million copies of her books in print.

Q. Is the First Wives Club movie an example of Feminism?

Whether “The First Wives Club” is considered an example of feminism depends on the interpretation. However, the movie does present a complex and nuanced portrayal of women's experiences, offering both empowering messages and potentially problematic aspects. 

Q. Where is the First Wives Club series filmed? 

The First Wives Club series was mostly filmed at the Kaufman Astoria Studios in Queens, New York City

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